he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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