I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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