Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
