Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
