your room smells of hookers.
And success
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
