Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
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He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
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I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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