Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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