were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
