Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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