OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
