Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's blow job season.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
