I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
