was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
