i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
