gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Pants are for mortals
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
