you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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