She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
