Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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