You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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