Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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