Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
