I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
