I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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