while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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