On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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