this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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