If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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