just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
