Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
