If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
