Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
