I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
