At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
