if you like me you must not know who I am
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize