I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you never un-have a 4some
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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