I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
