Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I would fuck him just for his dog
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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