there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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