I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so let's talk penis.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
