listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
