he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm passing your future prison.
sarcasm needs its own font
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
