but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
