Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
