Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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