sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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