im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
