mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
