just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
