how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
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Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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