I just saw a hot homeless man
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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