I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
