scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
