I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
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i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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