I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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