Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This baby is an asshole
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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