i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
