I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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