i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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