Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
