i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im six kinds of drunk right now
She just used a chaser for red wine.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
