Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
