im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
