i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
