If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
