If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
