so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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