imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
