the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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