First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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