i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
