it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
